Is There a Way Off of this Ride?

I Matter to Who Matters.  I still struggle at work with feeling invisible.

It will never go away unless the people treating me like that do, and they aren’t going anywhere.It really feels like a constant battle to keep my spirits up.  It’s getting to the point now where every little thing they do is irritating.  Have you ever been in that situation?
Try as I may to just shake it off – the irritation is still there flying around my head like a nasty little gnat that is too small for me to find and swat.  For example, a person I work with continually skips past me and goes to my Lead and assigns them To-Do items without my knowledge.  I have no idea what their workload is because of this…is it a one-off moment?  Does it happen all the time? Is this meant to be passive-aggressive?  I don’t know.  It sure feels like it.  Grrrrr.  And, is there any problem (really) with my Lead taking on this work.  Not really.  I just wish the requests didn’t happen behind my back.
During a Sunday School class I was in the other day, a topic that came up gave me pause for thought.  The topic?  “Life up your Head and Rejoice”.  The tagline?  “As we face hard things in the Lord’s way, may we lift up our heads and rejoice.”  REJOICE?  AT WORK?  With all the nonsense that is surrounding me?  Huh.
The lesson pointed out that many of us get in a “why me?” attitude.  But, “asking why, however,  never takes away the hard thing.  Sometimes the Lord asks us to do a hard thing, and sometimes our challenges are created by our own or others’ use of agency.”  So what was one piece of advice as to how can we get through the trials of life?  Forgive others. Another Huh.
So I thought – ok….I have to forgive these people for hurting my feelings.  Can I do that?  I think I can, but the seemingly passive-aggressive moments happen all the time.  By the time I’m ready to move on from the last moment and new one comes up.
Then my second thought was, other from the active pushing me down, what, exactly, are these people doing to me that is causing me to be so irritated at them.  Answer – absolutely nothing.
The truth?  I haven’t forgiven them.  OUCH.  The fact that everything little they are doing causes me such irritation, tells me that I’ve not forgiven them and I’m still hurt and mad at them.
*Sigh* – okay – dang.  I need to work harder at forgiving.  At this point, I am choosing to let them bother me.
I guess I have to figure out how to repeatedly forgive someone. Maybe there is a lesson here I haven’t learned, so I have to experience this again and again?  Maybe this person just has issues with me?  Jealousy?  Competition?  Irritation?  I don’t get any negative feedback from this person, so I can only guess that it must be personal?
I keep telling myself that I matter to who matters.  I have a good friend that also reminds me of that (Thank you, Karen).  That phrase helps me a lot.  This person’s treatment of me should feel like “pfft – whatever” – here they go again….. I shouldn’t let it get to me.  I definitely shouldn’t let me get so upset or angry that my soul is consumed with this negative energy.
This negative experience is but a moment in time.  A trial that I need to come out on top of.  It won’t last forever and I can take the high road while they are taking the low road.  I am in control of how I feel, and I chose to feel happy and count my blessings.

2 thoughts on “Is There a Way Off of this Ride?

  1. Great comment! I love seeing the process of change in your own attitude throughout this entry. Definitely one of the biggest pills we have to swallow is the fact that we can’t change anyone (children included) but ourselves. I liked how you reflected this in your post, and what sparked interest in me is a potential cycle I see here.
    Humor me on this, but what if there is a cycle of going to work anticipating something negative happening, then something “inevitably” does happen, and that leaves you anticipating more negative occurrences happening the next day?
    So what’s the cycle-breaker here? although my given cycle is very simplistic and probably needs to include many other variables, I think you already are touching on the answer with forgiveness.
    Forgiveness is not equivalent to forgetting. However, it does entail re-opening channels of love and other altruistic feelings towards others. To me, forgiving others also means once again giving them the benefit-of-the-doubt in situations that might initially appear negative.
    How is this a cycle-breaker? Well, if the cycle I suggested is even somewhat true, then to break this cycle you need to either 1) change the offender or 2) change yourself. As stated previously, the more plausible choice is number 2.
    Keep going strong! It looks like you are on the brink of a personal epiphany, and I look forward to reading all about it!


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